We just came off of one of the most beautiful February weeks I have experienced in Minnesota. It began last Sunday and continued through Thursday with temps hitting the high 40’s and low 50’s every day. For most of the week we wore light jackets and allowed our hats and gloves to get lost in a mound of forgotten items, the way we do in spring. Now, you know from my previous posts, that I abhor winter. Truly, it isn’t only the snow and cold. Those are inconvenient and not my choice weather conditions, but I feel certain I could handle them if winter didn’t make me FEEL so different. I literally feel like a piece of me dies off in winter, leaving this empty hole that only feels filled again when the summer sun returns and warms my soul. Last week that piece returned. I felt the way I normally feel at the end of April, like I came alive. My laughter returned to me, bringing with it a lightness in my being that I usually experience only when winter’s gray has passed.
Yesterday, I walked out my front door and was slapped in the face by that stinging pain that comes with a blast of Arctic air. My brow assumed its formerly furrowed position and I prepped for what feels like the impending doom of potentially 2 more months. I woke up this morning in my bed, not wanting to get up because I could feel the chill in the air. And while the sun beamed behind my curtains, I knew the truth. It’s frigorific out there.
Last night the weatherman warned of 4-6 inches of snow we are to receive on Sunday into Monday. Man. I knew it wasn’t over. My friend, who encourages me a lot in winter, warned that it wasn’t over, but my body is so ready for it to be done. I don’t want to be cold again. And last week was like a drink of sanity, which has now been taken away by Old Man Winter. My guard has been let down, and now I have to fight to get it back up. Which leaves me asking, “Was it really worth it?” Was that little reprieve worth the sorrow of having to re-enter the tunnel of gloom, aka winter? One friend says, “Well, it was better to have loved and lost…”, but I’m not so sure. The reality of the difference between my winter self and my spring/summer self has been brought into sharp relief as a result of winter’s brief reprieve, and I don’t like that difference one bit.